I can’t believe I’m actually posting this, but I need to, for myself and for others.
It took over my life at 18. All I could think about, dream about, was my desire to be skinny. High school was horrible for me. I was bullied every single day and it made me hate myself. I stopped hanging out with friends. I stopped talking to family. I was in my own world. All that mattered, was my size.
At first, it wasn’t so bad. I thought to myself, “throwing up once or twice won’t hurt anything.” Boy was I wrong. I went from throwing up once a week, to 4 times a day, sometimes more. I would even throw up water. Every time I gained an ounce, A SINGLE OUNCE, I would lose my mind. I was weighing my self 3 times a day. I ended up dropping a lot of weight, but that weight loss came at a cost. I became depressed, I still struggle with it today. I also had no friends. Was it worth it? No.
I recently started recovery, about 3 months ago, and today was the first day I felt TRULY comfortable and sexy in my own skin. I looked in the mirror, no makeup and with my hair in rats, and I literally sat their and cried.I was stunned at what I saw. There was a beautiful woman staring at me in the mirror. You see, ever since I was bulimic, I only seemed to see my old 200 lb self in the mirror, no matter how much weight I lost. I wanted to capture this AMAZING moment with pictures from my webcam, so I did. I’ve gained ten lbs in recovery and I never thought I’d see myself being beautiful/sexy at 5’7” and 154 lbs. I always wanted to be in the 130’s. Always.People used to tell me that I was “too fat” to have an eating disorder. Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes, also gender (people tend to think that woman are the only ones with body issues, WRONG).
If you know someone who is struggling with an eating disorder or if you are the one struggling, please message me. Talk to someone. Anyone. You are beautiful no matter what anyone has to say. Join with me and take some sexy pictures, whether you share them or not is up to you. But do it. Feel confidant. Feel sexy. Feel ALIVE. It is our right as human beings.
BE PROUD OF YOUR BODY.